Why confidence is not everything for success in life…

~ Emmie ~ Leave a comment

So we’ve all heard it so much and many times before: success is something that confidence gets. But as I’ve learned all my years on earth; yes and also no. My life experience has shown me that there are so many grey areas to any mindset or belief. And as much as we’ve all yearn for something clear and easy, like a “paint by numbers” canvas, success is something more complicated. Life can be seen as a bunch of scenarios that we just have to manage, make decisions and take action on. Whether we’re looking confident or not has nothing to do with the efficiency, or amount of positive outcome in our lives. If anything our confidence can be seen as a passive facade. Like trash talking the opposing team before a match. It’s like an attitude that can be acted out and has nothing to do with the task at hand. Problems will present themselves in our lives. And we just have to solve them. We don’t really have the time to decide to be confident. We only have time to fix our lives, to be in our lives and try to enjoy it.

Because confidence is a feeling, an act or appearance, it has little to do with the actual problem solving tasks that presents themselves daily. We actually need skills. Different skills for different problems and whole combination of them as well. For example when I worked on my first ship as a hairdresser, the clients were assigned to me. And I had to perform fast, with no mistakes, and give ultimate client satisfaction every time. And I never had even a minute to waste on how to look “confident”. All my attention and energy was put on the tasks at hand. The client didn’t care if I looked visibly confident. They wanted visible results in their hair only. And that’s the true nature of confidence. It’s not something I need to feel or have others feel. It is nice to have inner confidence in the real sense, but that’s not necessarily something that can be seen. The same logic applies to love and dating. While confidence is good, it alone cannot produce the outcome.

Appearing confident is great when it comes to getting a job, and it helps us through an interview and helps us appear calm. But even the in the best job interviews, a person has to also balance that with some modesty, to show an ability to follow rules. There is only a smidgen of confidence actually needed. Confidence on a personal growth level is not that necessary either, because it has nothing to do with self esteem, or the desire to learn. Confidence can be used to cover up when we don’t even like ourselves, and gives us excuses without having to change or fix ourselves. I grew up having very low self esteem. I was very shy and felt unworthy of lovers or friends. And I had to work really hard on finding things in me that I could say that I liked. And even after finding theses things I had to convince myself that I was good. I still work on self esteem till this day, And that’s a lot of work. Self love is closer to to being humble and open.with self acceptance. So again, confidence is different to that.

Confidence is also easy to fake. That’s right. We all know someone who is confident. They value themselves and the image they project. But when you actually get to know them, we feel they are insecure, jealous of others, and passive aggressive to get what they want. Confidence is a vehicle of disguise for them. The performance of confidence makes them feel they have the right to lead someone or manage something. They use confidence to hide the uncertainty they feel instead of examining where it comes from. I don’t want that kind of confidence. It’s actually very ugly, and not coming from a good place in our spirits.

Confidence is great, but it doesn’t lead to inner happiness. Because of it’s performative nature, it’s always dependent on others to affirm it. It’s outside of us and requires an audience. If we perform confidence to get validation from others, it becomes a job, which in itself cannot bring us happiness. The act of being confident can not therefore make us happy. It can however make us arrogant, indifferent, or even jaded as a related feeling. And those things are not great feelings.

Another thing to think about: Confidence is not often associated with being feminine, or soft. Confidence is also an adjective that is often the opposite stance from being caring or sweet. And like I said, while it has some value in the “go getter” career mindset, it has very little value if we want to feel like a gentle, feminine being. Traditional, ethereal, beautiful femininity is demure and modest. That is not something confidence can get us, or the demeanor it embodies.

Also, there’s something to be said about modesty. It’s truly an underrated character trait these days. Modestly is about knowing one’s worth, but the refusal to flaunt it. That’s a classy gesture. We’re all so tired of having that loud energy in our face. On social media, it’s about how to be a diva, how to get what we want. Why have we all been reduced to beings that only want, and aim to get things, when we don’t have anything to GIVE? How about we evaluate if we have anything to give before huffing and puffing about how great we are? Confidence is great, but it’s an overrated character trait in our society. I elect for a re-awakening of our senses and abilities for something more authentic. Let’s be modest, aim to listen and give to the community. And after that, we can build a future we want based on love, and not have the time for pompous, delusions of ourselves; or the performances of confidence that we are pressured to exhibit.

The only two shades of lipstick I need for getting polished fast and goes with any look!

~ Emmie ~ Leave a comment

It’s not easy putting on a full face of make-up every morning on a moving ship, and reporting for duty bright and early in the morning at the Spa (I’m a hairdresser on board ships). And as women we all know that lipstick shades and finishes come in such a huge array of choices. Every mainstream brand, whether designer or drugs store has too many options to choose from when it comes to lips. Here my my tips however, for making the colour decision fast, and always having a makeup look that works, so that mornings can be spent having that extra cup of coffee for who knows what a busy work morning will bring!

These are the two recommended colours: A natural mauve/pink and a bold, fashion red!

First tip, I recommend using long wear lipsticks only. Not only are they more economical because I’m reapplying lip colour less frequently, but also, they save time for that same reason. I can be confident that my lips looks good until lunch-time when it comes off. And then I reapply after lunch and I can repeat the feeling of confidence that it hasn’t smeared or rubbed off until the next break. All cosmetic brands now make long lasting lip products, (no budge), and it’s easy to find one in a variety of colours. There are also matte and gloss finishes to choose from. I feel for no budge lipstick, matte is better, just because it feels less like shellac on my lips. And I also feel glossy lips are distracting and less natural looking. But to each their own, of course.

Now on to tips for choosing which lip colour to use for what look. One colour of lipstick I used often was a bold red to pair with nude/light eyeshadows and minimal make up looks. That’s right, the face needs balance, so if I were wearing a minimal makeup look on a given day, I would punch it up with a bold fashion colour! And a velvety red really brought the drama and I always had compliments when wearing it.

Nothing goes better with a statement red than minimal clean makeup!

But I also received so many compliments on my smokey eye make-up! On days where I wore that look, the eyes were so dramatic that they didn’t need a loud lip colour to compete with. It would be too busy. So with smokey eyes or darker eyeshadows, I would pair the look with a muted mauve/natural pink lip. And this always kept the smokey eye makeup as the star. We always want one thing more loud on the face and the others more quiet. If we choose the lips, it’s getting the bold red, and they eyes stay natural. If we choose the eyes to be the focus, the lipstick colour has to be muted.

And with a smokey dark eye shadow, we’re going to have to have a muted lip colour. Here I was doing very cool toned nude. But a natural pink works also. Anything “quiet”.

What I love about these two lip colours is that it’s all the colours we need! And they can paired with dozens of makeup looks. It actually simplifies my makeup routine and helps me save time, while still looking put together. And that’s what I feel makes the best beauty tricks. We want to look effortless, but we also want it to be truely effortless. We can have style and taste come faster just from knowing which colour to use, and not because from over thinking from having too many options to choose from. Girls, I was rarely ever late on the ship, and also rarely ever wore the wrong shade of lip colour!

After 8 months at Sea: Style secrets to always have good hair

~ Emmie ~ Leave a comment

It’s been too long since I’ve posted in here. And I’m sorry. I don’t know why I haven’t checked in with y’all. Truth is I’ve been learning so much about hair and make-up since I’ve been away. Where have I been? I’ve just finished my first 8 months contract as a hairdresser on board the MSC Meraviglia, a cruise ship extraordinaire! I glamorously (and sometimes not so glamourously) sailed to Bahamas from NY all winter and then sailed the Mediterranean in the spring. My ship had a huge spa dedicated to the art of relaxation, self care and beauty….and I’m here to dish out style tips that saved me on this amazing work journey and kept it on the glamourous looking side. Because travelling and working requires practical hairstyles, that look glam. I’ll talk about the ones below because they balance functionality, with professional polish, and style. And they’re also so easy!

  • Embrace the frizz: I was in the middle of the ocean, and the air was salty, damp and misty. There was no way to have pristine, perfect glossy hair. Unless my hair was coated and weighted down in oil and wax. Or if I were firing up the heat tools every morning to style, which not only did I not have time for, would have fried my hair. I instead heat styled after shampooing only once a week! Then I added a light application of dry waxes and hair oils day to day to keep my ends looking less damaged. That meant I was rocking about 15% frizz on a daily basis. But that’s totally acceptable because the hair looks effortless that way and the frizz was forgivable, because it was still light and bouncy.
This is me in my uniform on a typical day onboard. I feel pretty and ready to work with my half updo hair!
  • We all use thin hair elastics to do braids or hold a pony, or half updo. But the trick to making it look polished? Don’t show the tiny elastics. That’s right. Always cover it up with a ribbon or any polished fascinator or flip it to cover with your own hair with a pony inverter. Same goes for bobby pins. Hide them as anchors under the hair.
This elastic was a simple black one. But what was the elevation? I flipped it to hide it.
  • No low pony tails with a bushel of frizzy ends: For some reason, low pony tails looked very lazy and sloppy on the ship. I think it’s the fact that when hair is pulled back it loses volume and the face looks severe. Then after the elastic, the tail end of the hair style poofs, asthe sea air adds frizz and makes too much undefined volume. It doesn’t looked balanced or tidy, as one may think. The solution I always did was if I was to wear a pony tail, it had to be high pony tail and with straight, sleek hair. it just looked a lot cooler that way!
Higher pony tails with slick hair avoids the frumpiness of low ponies and frizz
  • Professional looking buns are made with french pins: A french pin is an amazing hair tool. It’s not hard to use, and it looks chic and not overly formal. The way I used it was with a pony tail tied with a thin elastic, and the ends wrapped around. In the same sentiment: never use claw clips or scrunchies to hold buns. Claw clips damage hair with their teeth and scrunchies look sloppy.
A beautiful bun without any fuss or overly ornate claw clips with a french pin
A simple french pin is the way to fasten a bun and make it look chique
A simple french pin is the way to fasten a bun and make it look chique
  • Check the back with a mirror in front of a mirror to avoid unknowingly wearing cowlicks: This tip was an important one for me. My hair at the back has a cowlick split that always parts vertically. It’s not pretty. And should be fixed. It’s also a game changer to always know how your hair looks to other people from the back! Ways to fix a cowlick? a bun, a braid, a partial pony, or lots of hair spray!!!
  • Soften up the appearance of pulled back hair in ponytails or buns by leaving out face framing pieces: Women in the workplace and seafaring have to look able bodied without hair falling everywhere, but we also want to look pretty. On a ship pulled back hair signals order and control. But nothing adds more softness and femininity than to leave out some strands at the front of the face to look less rigid and uniform.

And the most important take away from these tips are that none of the styles look overly done up. They just look thoughtfully stylish. And trust me, as a seafarer, there was never enough time in the morning between downing the cup of crew mess coffee and running to report to work. So all the styles mentioned above take less than 5 minutes. That’s the true beauty of any hair routine, in that it looks effortless because it was. More styling tips to come stay posted about the fashion vibes I rocked on the ship!