Category: career

Why confidence is not everything for success in life…

~ Emmie ~ Leave a comment

So we’ve all heard it so much and many times before: success is something that confidence gets. But as I’ve learned all my years on earth; yes and also no. My life experience has shown me that there are so many grey areas to any mindset or belief. And as much as we’ve all yearn for something clear and easy, like a “paint by numbers” canvas, success is something more complicated. Life can be seen as a bunch of scenarios that we just have to manage, make decisions and take action on. Whether we’re looking confident or not has nothing to do with the efficiency, or amount of positive outcome in our lives. If anything our confidence can be seen as a passive facade. Like trash talking the opposing team before a match. It’s like an attitude that can be acted out and has nothing to do with the task at hand. Problems will present themselves in our lives. And we just have to solve them. We don’t really have the time to decide to be confident. We only have time to fix our lives, to be in our lives and try to enjoy it.

Because confidence is a feeling, an act or appearance, it has little to do with the actual problem solving tasks that presents themselves daily. We actually need skills. Different skills for different problems and whole combination of them as well. For example when I worked on my first ship as a hairdresser, the clients were assigned to me. And I had to perform fast, with no mistakes, and give ultimate client satisfaction every time. And I never had even a minute to waste on how to look “confident”. All my attention and energy was put on the tasks at hand. The client didn’t care if I looked visibly confident. They wanted visible results in their hair only. And that’s the true nature of confidence. It’s not something I need to feel or have others feel. It is nice to have inner confidence in the real sense, but that’s not necessarily something that can be seen. The same logic applies to love and dating. While confidence is good, it alone cannot produce the outcome.

Appearing confident is great when it comes to getting a job, and it helps us through an interview and helps us appear calm. But even the in the best job interviews, a person has to also balance that with some modesty, to show an ability to follow rules. There is only a smidgen of confidence actually needed. Confidence on a personal growth level is not that necessary either, because it has nothing to do with self esteem, or the desire to learn. Confidence can be used to cover up when we don’t even like ourselves, and gives us excuses without having to change or fix ourselves. I grew up having very low self esteem. I was very shy and felt unworthy of lovers or friends. And I had to work really hard on finding things in me that I could say that I liked. And even after finding theses things I had to convince myself that I was good. I still work on self esteem till this day, And that’s a lot of work. Self love is closer to to being humble and open.with self acceptance. So again, confidence is different to that.

Confidence is also easy to fake. That’s right. We all know someone who is confident. They value themselves and the image they project. But when you actually get to know them, we feel they are insecure, jealous of others, and passive aggressive to get what they want. Confidence is a vehicle of disguise for them. The performance of confidence makes them feel they have the right to lead someone or manage something. They use confidence to hide the uncertainty they feel instead of examining where it comes from. I don’t want that kind of confidence. It’s actually very ugly, and not coming from a good place in our spirits.

Confidence is great, but it doesn’t lead to inner happiness. Because of it’s performative nature, it’s always dependent on others to affirm it. It’s outside of us and requires an audience. If we perform confidence to get validation from others, it becomes a job, which in itself cannot bring us happiness. The act of being confident can not therefore make us happy. It can however make us arrogant, indifferent, or even jaded as a related feeling. And those things are not great feelings.

Another thing to think about: Confidence is not often associated with being feminine, or soft. Confidence is also an adjective that is often the opposite stance from being caring or sweet. And like I said, while it has some value in the “go getter” career mindset, it has very little value if we want to feel like a gentle, feminine being. Traditional, ethereal, beautiful femininity is demure and modest. That is not something confidence can get us, or the demeanor it embodies.

Also, there’s something to be said about modesty. It’s truly an underrated character trait these days. Modestly is about knowing one’s worth, but the refusal to flaunt it. That’s a classy gesture. We’re all so tired of having that loud energy in our face. On social media, it’s about how to be a diva, how to get what we want. Why have we all been reduced to beings that only want, and aim to get things, when we don’t have anything to GIVE? How about we evaluate if we have anything to give before huffing and puffing about how great we are? Confidence is great, but it’s an overrated character trait in our society. I elect for a re-awakening of our senses and abilities for something more authentic. Let’s be modest, aim to listen and give to the community. And after that, we can build a future we want based on love, and not have the time for pompous, delusions of ourselves; or the performances of confidence that we are pressured to exhibit.

The only two shades of lipstick I need for getting polished fast and goes with any look!

~ Emmie ~ Leave a comment

It’s not easy putting on a full face of make-up every morning on a moving ship, and reporting for duty bright and early in the morning at the Spa (I’m a hairdresser on board ships). And as women we all know that lipstick shades and finishes come in such a huge array of choices. Every mainstream brand, whether designer or drugs store has too many options to choose from when it comes to lips. Here my my tips however, for making the colour decision fast, and always having a makeup look that works, so that mornings can be spent having that extra cup of coffee for who knows what a busy work morning will bring!

These are the two recommended colours: A natural mauve/pink and a bold, fashion red!

First tip, I recommend using long wear lipsticks only. Not only are they more economical because I’m reapplying lip colour less frequently, but also, they save time for that same reason. I can be confident that my lips looks good until lunch-time when it comes off. And then I reapply after lunch and I can repeat the feeling of confidence that it hasn’t smeared or rubbed off until the next break. All cosmetic brands now make long lasting lip products, (no budge), and it’s easy to find one in a variety of colours. There are also matte and gloss finishes to choose from. I feel for no budge lipstick, matte is better, just because it feels less like shellac on my lips. And I also feel glossy lips are distracting and less natural looking. But to each their own, of course.

Now on to tips for choosing which lip colour to use for what look. One colour of lipstick I used often was a bold red to pair with nude/light eyeshadows and minimal make up looks. That’s right, the face needs balance, so if I were wearing a minimal makeup look on a given day, I would punch it up with a bold fashion colour! And a velvety red really brought the drama and I always had compliments when wearing it.

Nothing goes better with a statement red than minimal clean makeup!

But I also received so many compliments on my smokey eye make-up! On days where I wore that look, the eyes were so dramatic that they didn’t need a loud lip colour to compete with. It would be too busy. So with smokey eyes or darker eyeshadows, I would pair the look with a muted mauve/natural pink lip. And this always kept the smokey eye makeup as the star. We always want one thing more loud on the face and the others more quiet. If we choose the lips, it’s getting the bold red, and they eyes stay natural. If we choose the eyes to be the focus, the lipstick colour has to be muted.

And with a smokey dark eye shadow, we’re going to have to have a muted lip colour. Here I was doing very cool toned nude. But a natural pink works also. Anything “quiet”.

What I love about these two lip colours is that it’s all the colours we need! And they can paired with dozens of makeup looks. It actually simplifies my makeup routine and helps me save time, while still looking put together. And that’s what I feel makes the best beauty tricks. We want to look effortless, but we also want it to be truely effortless. We can have style and taste come faster just from knowing which colour to use, and not because from over thinking from having too many options to choose from. Girls, I was rarely ever late on the ship, and also rarely ever wore the wrong shade of lip colour!

How dressing “business casual” requires more thought than you think…

~ Emmie ~ Leave a comment

As you all know, I have been working as a hairstylist for the past 4 years, and well, it’s an interesting industry, fashion-wise. In one sense, there’s an obligation to look stylish, and look good, as clients do want to be inspired by what they see being worn on the person they trust to do their hair. But also, it’s an environment of work and professionalism. But on another hand overly formal office-y attire looks out of place in a salon. It’s too corporate. Hairstylists are artists. So this is the dilemma. How do we dress interestingly enough to showcase our personalities while being work appropriate, and elevated?

I feel like this problem is extra difficult for women. We have our truly loved relax wear: i.e.. the t-shirts, jeans, joggers… Our hoodies, leggings, shorts and sweatshirts. But let’s be honest. We end up styling ourselves to look like either 12 year old boys or suburban soccer moms in them. They are too casual, and not work appropriate. They lack personality, flare or elegance. But mostly, they lack style. Another error that can happen more to women is dressing cheap looking. Think crop tees, tops that are too tight/lowcut, ugly materials/patterns. Bodycon dresses that look like club wear. Things that are overly revealing. I’m not advocating for dressing like a prude, but even at a club, there’s a sense of class. There is a middle ground between 12 year old and night walker. I’ve found it.

We need to think more about fun and fashionable pieces, styled with jewelry and make up that compliments us, and accessories that show off our personalities while fading into the background of professionalism. We need to care about how we look, without stressing too much about perfection or being superficial. And we need to have a a little class. Without that, I can’t help you. What is classy to some might be lowbrow to others. But there are universal cues on what is daily, work appropriate class. So let’s talk about it!

Mistakes and don’t dos:

  1. Outfits that are too skimpy: Bodycon dresses that are too short. Tight t-shirts/sweaters that are too low cut or sheer; crop top paired with spandex leggings. I’m not against showing skin, but it’s all about balance. When we show off the legs with something short, the tops should be modest. Crop tops are cute, when the bottom half is stylishly covered up with an elegant skirt. Tight body suits make sense, when paired with a relaxed fit slacks. It’s all about balance, and taste. If the weather is cold, wear a fitted turtle neck. It looks put together, but is also sensibly covered up. It’s not classy to wear less layers in cold weather. However during a heatwave at work, I wore a back-less sundress. The weather made it make sense, and not skimpy. Just think about how you look, and skimpy outfits will cease to make sense professionally.
  2. When comfort looks slovenly: Okay so we all like comfortable clothes. Yes. But since when does that mean t-shirts, sweat shirts, and gym leggings can show up to a work environment paired with poor hygiene? Greasy hair? I don’t think so! Tying hair back is not equivalent a shampoo! It looks as if you’re fixing back hair to change the cat’s litter, or scrub the toilet. At this point, when aesthetics are so overlooked, would you trust her with styling your hair? The answer is no. At least come to work with make-up to liven up the eyes, freshen up the complexion. Casual wear is barely work presentable even with make-up, but with no make up and sloppy clothes it’s too casual.
  3. Saying you don’t have “money” to buy on trend clothes. This is a mistake and just an excuse. Thrifting and second hand stores are a great option. And no matter how poor you are, every one owns a simple white shirt that fits, a simple dress that is not trampy, jeans that are not ripped up. Sweaters that don’t reveal everything. And dress pants that are flattering while still covering up. Dressing in a way that shows less skin, or doesn’t look like a gym outfit, is not reserved for the rich. It’s an affordable style that shows self-aware mindfulness a workplace, even if it’s not fashion forward. And once that basic skill is mastered, you can then save up to buy statement pieces that speak to who you are.
Do not dress like this. Leggings are inappropriate in any work setting. And t-shirt tanks are casually ugly.

The Do’s List:

  1. Accessorize with intention. On the flipside, I had a style literate! T-shirts and sweats to work can be okay if styled. If they are intentionally oversized, or paired with elaborate jewelry, and other kinds of styling…this avoids the slovenly feel of this kind of style can have. Wash and style your hair with the outfits. And wear make-up. It just works.
  2. Dress for comfort, but also appropriateness: I’m a fashionista that worked in fashion retail prior, but I also dress in clothes that make sense for my hairdressing job. I don’t wear movement restricting blazers that make it hard to use my arms, even though they are stylish and very professional. I don’t wear skimpy club wear outfits that have me adjusting my hemline or cleavage throughout the busy hairstyling workday. All of the clothes I wear fit the range of bodily motions needed, the weather in place, and the time of day I’m working. They are all thoughtful, make sense and are respectful of the job that I do, and the clients that I serve.
  3. Professional dress doesn’t have to be boring. Find ways to showcase your personal style: For example I don’t like dark or drab coloured clothing. I don’t own that many black pieces, or solid dark clothing. I like flowers, prints, and pastels. I like white flowy things. Frilly pink outfits. Light and bright is the way that I dress. Feminine without the trampy siren look. Pretty, without the cattiness. Find out your personality and translate it into a work wardrobe. That’s how to dress professionally, and at the same time express yourself!
This is actually how I would dress to work. Notice it’s put together but still casual and cool. Functional with the white sneakers! And feminine with the flowy skirt!

I hope my tips/rant helped. I really do feel like there is a parallel to dressing well, and doing the job well. And even if you work in an environment that doesn’t penalize poor style or unprofessional dress…improve your professional styling for yourself. Afterall, you’re the most important member of the audience when critiquing how you look and act. And at the end of the day, you’ll want to look at yourself in the mirror, and be able to agree with others in the room that you do look good.