Category: feminism

A look into the new Rom Com “Materialists”: the fashion, the make-up and beyond…

~ Emmie Reve ~ Leave a comment

My genre of choice is not the typical chick flick, rom com genre. It’s well known to be a formulaic critically panned genre. At most a guilty pleasure of smart, thinking people when they want a break from being feminists looking for depth in cinematic art. And here’s where I decided to give Materials a try. After reading a few review summaries about it being not the typical rom com, my interest was piqued. One quiet Tuesday night, I went to see this flick with my kid, and I’m glad I did. Here’s why:

The main character is flawed, but lovable because of these flaws. Dakota Johnson plays the lead heroine well. She plays Lucy, a no-nonsense numbers cruncher when it comes to her career as a matchmaker, living in New York City. She excels at the game of matching people up based on statistics and numeral dating “values”. Her flaws show heavily in that having been raised poor, Lucy now covets the flashy, cushy life that dating an affluent man can afford her. Enter Pablo Pascal as Harry, a handsome rich suitor. At the same time however, she still has feelings for her struggling actor ex boyfriend John, played by the hottie Chris Evans.

After developing the main characters, the film expertly directed by Celine Song, talks about real dating world problems, in a contemporary and realistic way…giving way to a more sober and serious rom com that the typical one. There are some funny scenes; Harry’s nod to male vanity, John’s absolutely horrible roommate situation, and Lucy’s experience listening to her client’s delusional dating expectations. But one of the more pressing topics addressed was that of the physical violence that can exist in a modern dating world where people desperate for love, are vulnerable to get victimized and abused.

Dating violence has always existed in any time period, but talking about it at length in a movie is contemporary. Not enough attention has been placed on the intense burden most single women face today because of the pressure to be married and to have children. It is still seen as the main way women are successful in life. That’s right. Being a woman in the top of her industry or earning a lot means nothing. And the status quo culture is still prioritizing getting a “ring on the finger”.Early in the movie, one of Lucy’s clients has cold feet on her own wedding day, having realized she was unsure WHY she was getting married. A reminder that getting a “ring on it” means more than fulfilling romantic destiny.

These stories in the movie Materialists, go on to illustrate how dating and love are not the same thing. Something that fairy tales and proper young ladies like myself and my upbringing were not allowed to explore. But in this day and age, it’s not a new message being expressed, it’s just a more truthful admission of this fact. In the not so distant past, marriages were politically designed unions to join the assets and reproductive values of two families or “corporations”. The smokescreen of the recent era is to erase that reality and place romantic and soulful completeness as the motive for dating. But the reality is “you can’t have your cake and eat it too”. You have to choose one or the other as Lucy did in this film.

And because this is a fashion and make up blog, let’s talk about it!!! The fashion and makeup was so on point in this movie. Dakota Johnson looked beautiful in almost every scene with hair and make-up that was fresh, feminine and smart. Her outfits matched every scene to the tee, and the male fashion was also on point. Both Pablo Pascal and Chris Evans looked amazing. Both male leads had presented themselves as if Dakota had chosen either one of them, it would have been a win win. Must mentions: Lucy’s thick but perfectly cut bangs, and her long flowing mane stole the show. Her sapphire coloured strapless dress in the first act looked expensive and tasteful, complementing her chestnut brown hair. And as she progressed into discovering her deeper romantic destiny, her frilly floral dress at the barn yard wedding visually showed her free spirited headspace and diversion from the past.

I absolutely love this look! The deep blue dress on light skin, the sleek dark hair and cute sandals. A nod to perfection!
Romantic, effortless and feminine. The quintessential get up for a country wedding, while looking modern and relaxed.
Wonderful hair and make up team on this production. Dakota’s complexion glows, her mauve lipstick so wonderfully compliments her dress, hair and eye make-up!

Are you going to give this unconventional rom com a try? please do! It will not disappoint!

Avoid the “Holiday Blues” without resorting to “Cuffing”

~ Emmie Reve ~ Leave a comment

Over the years I’ve heard about the phenomena of Christmas Blues: it’s the holidays, and a lot of gift giving and family togetherness is expected, but a lot of people experience loneliness and depression on a higher level this time of year. I even wrote an article about this last year too. So now that the holidays are coming up fast, I think it’s great time to mention some emotional triggers during this time of year that affect my well being and personal happiness. I assume it’s also mistakes a lot of other people make too…so it’s never a bad idea to hash out these ideas in an entry and really delve into what some causes of holiday blues and mental distress are, so that we can end 2023 in better spirits and more beautifully.

  1. Do not participate in “Cuffing Season”

Over the recent years, I’ve heard the term “Cuffing Season” thrown around a lot during the autumns here in North America. And the term is very popular here in Toronto, where the winters are long, cold and dark! It’s very depressing. Things are closed early, people stop socializing and going outside, and the snow and ice make it hard to, even if we want to. It’s just easier to lay cozy and warm at home on the couch and watch something.  In that sense cuffing season is just like another covid lockdown but only voluntary…and apparently, it’s not fun unless people drag another warm body down with them to do this isolating with.  Thus the term “Cuffing”.

 I really despise this practice…because it has nothing to do with love or attraction or even connection! It’s all about distancing emotionally while being with someone physically…Worse part is come Spring, the cuffed people agree to break up as if they were just using each other like inanimate objects that served their purpose; and the truly beautiful or worthy partners are still out there to find and persue.  What a sad depraved practice this is. And “cuffing” is often done in conjunction with other don’t do’s on this list.

My advice on this matter is to avoid people looking for this and don’t be a person setting this type of “situationship” up. It’s essentially using people. I mean I too enjoy vegging out on a couch doing nothing in particular, but that activity can be done alone.  Don’t drag a real, feeling human being into it and then chuck them when the first light of spring comes and the groundhog is still deciding if it sees its shadow.  Don’t do it! Just DON’T. We will never regret not using another human like a tool for our own comfort.  And the feeling of this moral restraint is something that will truly lift us up during the harsh winter season.

On the other hand, be able to detect when somebody is proposing to ”cuff” us and avoid it like the plague! It’s easy to fool ourselves into thinking that it’s actually a relationship, but there are always signs that it’s not. Listen to those signs and get out before getting “cuffed” and tossed in the Spring.  It hurts our feelings and deflates our hopes of finding the right person for us.  It’s just not worth the 3 or 4 months of cuddling and company.  We’re worth so much more that being a body pillow for someone else, and the hurt never really goes away after being used.  Even with the best intentions it hurts us so DON’T do it.

Signs of A Cuffing Situation (If one of more of these criteria happen, it points to a possible cuffing): It’s fall time, a person wants to be “friends” but also wants to snuggle, no talk of future plans, ex flames popping out of no where to rekindle, no real clear definition of what the relation is. No real dates out, just home time, No valentines/xmas day presents, Never meeting friends or family of theirs. And no talk of anything serious. Come spring there will distancing guaranteed. I know from experience.

Netflix and Chill? One doesn’t need to “cuff” another body to feel cozy and warm at home. Being single during the holidays can be peaceful with out being pathetic.

Ok, so not that I’ve made it clear Cuffing is harmful and unhealthy, moving on to other unhealthy winter holiday habits:

2. Do not over eat, drink or spend

Over consumption is a problem in developed countries because we are bored and food and drink is so easy to come across. There is never a shortage of something to stuff our faces with, drinks and vices to indulge in, and selections of physical goods to purchase.  But what ends up happening during the holidays is we hate ourselves for letting our figures go, feel low on energy from over indulging and are broke from buying too much and spending too much…

Always think before consuming something…Ask why we are consuming. If it’s food, is it because we are hungry, or filling a void?; if it’s wine, ask if we want to relax a little, or just ignore our problems?; if it’s consumerism ask if we need these items or are we buying it as a form or retail therapy or to show off to someone. Our actions and motivations matter and affect us in the long run even after the holidays going all the way to the New Year.  Time to have positive energy.

3. Do not lounge at home like a slob

Even if we are at home during the holidays and have no plans to work, go outside or see people, don’t do  the house thing in a sloppy way. A good practice is to shower, wear nice home clothes, that are both comfortable, and look good, like we are the star in our own movie. Nobody sees us, but we see us. I like to check myself at home by thinking if my ex saw me, would I be embarrassed or avenged by the way that I look? Would I send him reeling with desire for another chance with me? Or would I make him happy by seeing I was put together? Or would he pity me for seeming to fall apart after him? It’s better to aim for pretty loungewear that actually say I’m taking care of myself than sloppy dirty bum clothes. We feel how we look. Enough said.

4. Don’t isolate at home:

There are lots of people that care about us, and think about us. It’s important to communicate, socialize and reach out to people and their offer of company. So many times in our lives, we see people and friends as a distraction from the more “important” things in our lives. (ie. career and making money) But truthfully speaking, people are all that we’ve got that has meaning in our lives. So instead of looking inward during the holidays, be open to looking outwards and beyond. Existence is not about our work, but it’s about the riches of spending time to smell the roses or spending time with loved ones.

Holiday blues and stresses…how to cope

~ Emmie Reve ~ Leave a comment
Christmas tree with lights and all. But who also feels sadness?

The end of the year is upon us so what to do? I know it’s a hard time of year for many and here’s the reasons. We feel obligated to make it perfect, magical and happy. Hallmark movies, and ideas of family togetherness. Getting everything on our wish list and giving the best most amazing gifts. Hitting relationship and career goals, anticipating a holiday vacation that is heavy in price tag and planning…etc. Trying not to over eat, but trying not to miss out on holiday treats. Keeping traditions while not really having time or energy for the rituals we once held dear. It’s never ending the way people stress over the holidays. And in my experience it’s almost always disappointing in some way. I call it my Xmas curse, but I guess it’s inevitable that the end of the year in all of it’s hype, is not all it’s supposed to be.

So how do we cope mentally during such a trying time of the year? How do we find balance and peace during a time that is supposedly all of that and more? The solution can be as simple and complicated as one wants it. But ultimately, it’s all about understanding ourselves and reaching out for what will realistically make a simple solution. Here are my go to’s this year for treating holiday blues:

  1. Have time for myself: People are afraid to be alone during the holidays. And working a lot is the norm as well. The pressure to fill every moment and minute with another being or working overtime to make year end goals, is not quality time. Trying not to feel alone; not scheduling alone time for reflection and isolation is a negative thing. Solitude during this time of year when the first snow hits makes sense. Embrace it. People will always be around, but the quiet beauty of being one with oneself is a fragile state that must be prioritized.
  2. Rest a lot: Being stressed and overwhelmed during the holidays is a natural occurrence. Rest and relaxation is not. Which is why I have to work hard at not working hard. Whether it is skipping groceries for a day and ordering take-out or procrastinating on hanging ornaments and xmas lights…it’s really important to rest. It also helps my immune system during the first cold spell and prevents me from getting sick.
  3. Don’t go shopping: It’s really tempting with all the sales and everyone on the list to not hit the malls frantically and spend. Gifts can be simple and don’t have to be perfect. Spend less time buying and more time thinking about the people you want to gift to. Everything tends to fall into place without too much stress/spending usually. Try to remember that.
  4. Don’t over eat: Let’s be honest, food is comforting. Whenever I feel sad or alone, I am reaching for salty noodle soup, spicey condiments, and tons of delicious fried delicacies. It’s relaxing and rewarding for the moment and releases happy hormones. But the aftermath is guilt and disgust at myself when all my clothes are tight, and I’m not as cute and petite as I like to be. Everything in moderation. I don’t want to deprive myself, but honestly, I don’t have to over indulge.
  5. Watch the drinking: Sometimes during the holidays, we are encouraged to let loose and drink. Especially when things are not panning out the way we want. A boyfriend forgets to call, an argument with a sister; during the holidays, these mishaps feel ten times worse. The quick fix is to grab a cocktail. But drinking heightens emotions and subdues restraints. Meaning one can say things one doesn’t mean, or feel even worse about a situation. I’m not saying not to drink. But stay aware of the amount taken and how it may distort one’s perspective on things.
Happy Holidays. Remember to take care and stay beautiful!

So there it is. My list of things to help me navigate the holiday season, mentally healthy and happy. The end of the year is a time for reflection and no anxiety, so why not make efforts to thwart the tendency for chaos? What better way to right in the new year that to prioritize rest, peace, and self respect? Happy holidays everyone from the bottom of my heart to all this season. And see you on Dreamy Reveries in the new year! I have a lot planned for 2023 here!