Valentines’ Day: A day for lovers? or for loving oneself…

Midwinter has set into North America and while most of us are dreaming of warmer days and the sun, this peculiar holiday of Valentines’ Day pops up. Almost as if to validate the desperate souls that hunkered down with a body earlier in the winter; even so “cuffed” couples and couples of convenience don’t count. Solidarity in friendships, family relationships/love don’t count. No the irony and pain of Valentines is to celebrate a certain kind of love: Serious LTR kinds of love. Husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends. And every other kind of love can kiss it’s butt. Valentines is very exclusive, and attempts to include other types of relationships/love are often rejected–deemed as pathetic. (the way one of my girlfriends shuddered at the thought of “Galentines” Day will forever taint my mind). I will detail this holiday’s ability to exclude: At the end of the day it celebrates something that not everyone has or can have: A committed love relationship.

Getting more personal, my last Valentines was rather sad and lonely. Not because I was single, but because I wasn’t. In fact all my unpleasant Valentines fell into years where I was “with” somebody. And that says a lot. It says that Valentines reminds us that the amorous relationships we have are not always the perfect mainstream ones that are deemed as acceptable. Last year my ex only texted me “Happy Valentines” on the day of. There were no gifts, no dinner, no chocolates or flowers. Not even a hang out or make out session. It really framed how much it sucked to be in a non serious relationship, and the sting that this holiday highlights. I really cared about my ex and I’m not bitter that he didn’t take me out for an overpriced dinner, buy me flowers or jewelry. But as a make-up expert, it hurt me that I had didn’t have a reason to preen, I had no pressure at all. It left me feeling more unloved than ever. And looking into my past, even the years where I had a legitimate boyfriend, I always stressed that we would not celebrate epically enough to represent our love relationship. Feeling actually loved on Valentines days is so hard to attain, in my experience. And again, I’m not bitter, just sad and feeling like I’m missing out. Is this why this holiday was created? The exclude the uncoupled and put pressure on the coupled to buy things?

This year, I’m actually happy for once. I’m at peace and not even the slightest bit lonely or desperate. How did I get so pleasantly at ease and grateful to be single? I feel the hurt is not worth it. I am not expected to celebrate Valentines Day nor do I want to. I am so thankful for the chance to overlook it, and to watch the real, actual healthy love couples celebrate it. And I can be happy for them. Those lucky ones that have found that someone special and it means something. And I feel lucky myself. Lucky to find myself excluded from Valentines, a holiday that has eluded to give me joy even when I was in a relationship. We all need something real something to celebrate. Or not at all.   

I believe self love, acceptance and respect is where it all begins. And understanding we are whole beings even if we are not coupled. Heart shapes represent any kind of love.❤️

Get Ready with Me for a Date Night:

Getting ready for “date night” is a really basic beauty ritual that needs no explaining, in my opinion. We all do it, primp and preen and get our skin glowing for that special someone. But there is actually a lot more to it that flexing our vanity and grooming muscles. There is an order and logic to it. It’s a process, so let’s talk about that process. I will start by talking about my emotional state recently and how getting ready for this one date was so interesting to me.

So I do have a boyfriend. I guess that’s what he is, considering that it we’re monogamous and it’s pretty regular that we see each other. And it’s really difficult making time for each other with our busy adult lives. And the future is always uncertain, in terms of the longevity and meaning of the relationship. I recently feared a lot of things after some revealing text messages from my boyfriend. And I didn’t know how to deal with them. I am a hairstylist in Toronto; my day to day consists of taking care of the business of looking good, and not much else. So there it was–a wall of emotions that floored me and I didn’t know what to do for days. But as a date night with my beau approached, I did what I had to do. What I always knew how to do…prep and get ready. And believe it or not, the process of selfcare and beautification really made me feel more secure of myself and what I want and was therapy in a way.

After showering I love to just relax in my robe and plan my next beauty moves. Usually it involves grabbing a tea!

The Ritual of Getting Ready:

  1. Facial Pampering: I like to do this the night before a date, or the morning of. It’s exfoliating with a gentle face exfoliator. I used Deciem’s Lactic Acid. Then applying a mask. The exfoliating makes the skin cleaner by removing dead skin cells so that it can absorb the nutrients of a moisturizing mask and expel toxins trapped within. It’s also creating the ideal canvas for make-up application. Also the best time to do my nails is the night before!
  2. Cleansing face, body and hair: I like to do this a few hours before the date: I do the whole enchilada; shampoo, condition my hair, shave, brush my teeth. After all the cleansing, don’t forget to moisturize with a nice light body lotion.
  3. Blow Dry and Style hair. My hair style depends on the formality of the night. After being apart for a while from my beau, I needed to have a more carefree, low maintenance look. This was because I wanted to create a more relaxed vibe between us after the awkwardness of the previous week and the messages. So I opted for a tousled look without flat ironing or curling. It was very natural. To achieve this I just blow dry and add a bit of serum for shine and de frizzing.
  4. Decide on outfit: Do this before putting make up on. Even if I don’t dress until right before the date, I still need to know what colors I’m working with. After choosing the appropriate outfit, for this one night I chose a lace turquoise body suit spaghetti strap tank and flare jeans. Casual but stylish attire to match my mood.
  5. Make up time: I decided since few colours didn’t clash with turquoise I would wear a smokey beige shadow with a bit of shimmer. It was perfect. Subtle, but alluring none the less. Liquid line with a pen, my usual day to day make up. Blush, brows, and lots of mascara.
I’m a fan of mascara. I truly believe that is there is one make up arsenal that really makes or breaks a look, it’s the mascara on lashes!!
Tada! The finished look. Is it possible that something so subtle and easy looking took about 2 hours? That is the mystery of getting ready!

By the time I got picked up by him, I was looking fine. Not overdone…even with all the work and prep it took. I enjoy the process. By the end of out date, after a hard couple of weeks second guessing our relationship, it felt nice that at least I always knew how to put on a good show; even if the future is uncertain with my beau. And well…it’s who I am to put my best face forward.

Staying your “hot self”, even when no dates are happening

I’m single. I have been single for longer than I want to admit on here. And while I haven’t been totally under a rock and in my own shell; (.I’ve dated around since being married last in 2006) It’s not a goal of mine to be perpetually single. I do want to meet my soul mate, for once and for all, and run into the sunset without abandon with him. But I know it ain’t happening. It ain’t happening anytime soon. Toronto has only started reopening since the last panicked winter covid quarantine. So technically I am two years behind in my dating search progress for the “one”. I say this to make myself feel better. Another thing that provides me comfort this early summer in TO is this: I will date myself. I will go out to nice dinners and enjoy a city re-opening even if I’m not coupled., That’s right…I got the idea from so many other liberated souls with bad luck in love too; I know that hot girl summer has to happen, whether or not Mr. Romance is knocking on my door. Summers in Canada are so short and I’ll be damned if I don’t visit all the patios and gourmet rest stops this city has to offer. My work at the salon has suddenly slowed down for the month of June and I am ready to enjoy this sun and warmth. With my son in tow, we are visiting yummy, trendy spots on TO, with no sign of stopping. I want to experience this summer 2022, and we all deserve it after two years in quarantine. My fun won’t be dependent on waiting by the phone for “him” to call. It’s happening now and happening fast!

This is my neighborhood in Toronto. Taken just the other day, one can see the vibe in the air: the streets are full of things to explore!

How to Have an Awesome Single Gal Summer Post Pandemic:

  1. I decided to search out all the yummy, unique restaurants and wonderful patios that exist in the city.
  2. I then go to these places, with children, with friends and anyone who wants to.
  3. I primp and preen myself for myself to be seen and be fabulous.
  4. I order new dishes, things I really want to taste and experience
  5. And I just enjoy! Like I said, summer in North American cities are so short. There’s no time to waste waiting for Mr. Right to appear and ask me out. I will make my own sparkle and shine!
At this really cool Pilipino bar and resto on Queen West called Islas. They have great barbeque skewers for the carnivorous bunch, Buck a Shuck oysters on Tuesdays!
The hottest new thing in Toronto Annex (central west location) is an Asian Night Market called Super Fresh with vendors serving street eats from the East! A bit over rated and probably not worth the lines, the Taiwanese Fried chicken/any fried chicken is the bomb!

Women often get all dolled up when we know we are going on a formal date. And even extra primping is involved when it feels like a potential match. But I promise, primping up and going out for oneself is a beneficial exercise in having joy in life. And going on a date with friends and family will build social bonds that always need strengthening. At the end of the night, I don’t have to wonder and fret if the date I went on was a success. I will know that time was well spent with myself and those around me.