Tag: relationships

Valentines’ Day: A day for lovers? or for loving oneself…

~ Emmie Reve ~ Leave a comment

Midwinter has set into North America and while most of us are dreaming of warmer days and the sun, this peculiar holiday of Valentines’ Day pops up. Almost as if to validate the desperate souls that hunkered down with a body earlier in the winter; even so “cuffed” couples and couples of convenience don’t count. Solidarity in friendships, family relationships/love don’t count. No the irony and pain of Valentines is to celebrate a certain kind of love: Serious LTR kinds of love. Husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends. And every other kind of love can kiss it’s butt. Valentines is very exclusive, and attempts to include other types of relationships/love are often rejected–deemed as pathetic. (the way one of my girlfriends shuddered at the thought of “Galentines” Day will forever taint my mind). I will detail this holiday’s ability to exclude: At the end of the day it celebrates something that not everyone has or can have: A committed love relationship.

Getting more personal, my last Valentines was rather sad and lonely. Not because I was single, but because I wasn’t. In fact all my unpleasant Valentines fell into years where I was “with” somebody. And that says a lot. It says that Valentines reminds us that the amorous relationships we have are not always the perfect mainstream ones that are deemed as acceptable. Last year my ex only texted me “Happy Valentines” on the day of. There were no gifts, no dinner, no chocolates or flowers. Not even a hang out or make out session. It really framed how much it sucked to be in a non serious relationship, and the sting that this holiday highlights. I really cared about my ex and I’m not bitter that he didn’t take me out for an overpriced dinner, buy me flowers or jewelry. But as a make-up expert, it hurt me that I had didn’t have a reason to preen, I had no pressure at all. It left me feeling more unloved than ever. And looking into my past, even the years where I had a legitimate boyfriend, I always stressed that we would not celebrate epically enough to represent our love relationship. Feeling actually loved on Valentines days is so hard to attain, in my experience. And again, I’m not bitter, just sad and feeling like I’m missing out. Is this why this holiday was created? The exclude the uncoupled and put pressure on the coupled to buy things?

This year, I’m actually happy for once. I’m at peace and not even the slightest bit lonely or desperate. How did I get so pleasantly at ease and grateful to be single? I feel the hurt is not worth it. I am not expected to celebrate Valentines Day nor do I want to. I am so thankful for the chance to overlook it, and to watch the real, actual healthy love couples celebrate it. And I can be happy for them. Those lucky ones that have found that someone special and it means something. And I feel lucky myself. Lucky to find myself excluded from Valentines, a holiday that has eluded to give me joy even when I was in a relationship. We all need something real something to celebrate. Or not at all.   

I believe self love, acceptance and respect is where it all begins. And understanding we are whole beings even if we are not coupled. Heart shapes represent any kind of love.❤️

Get Ready with Me for a Date Night:

~ Emmie Reve ~ Leave a comment

Getting ready for “date night” is a really basic beauty ritual that needs no explaining, in my opinion. We all do it, primp and preen and get our skin glowing for that special someone. But there is actually a lot more to it that flexing our vanity and grooming muscles. There is an order and logic to it. It’s a process, so let’s talk about that process. I will start by talking about my emotional state recently and how getting ready for this one date was so interesting to me.

So I do have a boyfriend. I guess that’s what he is, considering that it we’re monogamous and it’s pretty regular that we see each other. And it’s really difficult making time for each other with our busy adult lives. And the future is always uncertain, in terms of the longevity and meaning of the relationship. I recently feared a lot of things after some revealing text messages from my boyfriend. And I didn’t know how to deal with them. I am a hairstylist in Toronto; my day to day consists of taking care of the business of looking good, and not much else. So there it was–a wall of emotions that floored me and I didn’t know what to do for days. But as a date night with my beau approached, I did what I had to do. What I always knew how to do…prep and get ready. And believe it or not, the process of selfcare and beautification really made me feel more secure of myself and what I want and was therapy in a way.

After showering I love to just relax in my robe and plan my next beauty moves. Usually it involves grabbing a tea!

The Ritual of Getting Ready:

  1. Facial Pampering: I like to do this the night before a date, or the morning of. It’s exfoliating with a gentle face exfoliator. I used Deciem’s Lactic Acid. Then applying a mask. The exfoliating makes the skin cleaner by removing dead skin cells so that it can absorb the nutrients of a moisturizing mask and expel toxins trapped within. It’s also creating the ideal canvas for make-up application. Also the best time to do my nails is the night before!
  2. Cleansing face, body and hair: I like to do this a few hours before the date: I do the whole enchilada; shampoo, condition my hair, shave, brush my teeth. After all the cleansing, don’t forget to moisturize with a nice light body lotion.
  3. Blow Dry and Style hair. My hair style depends on the formality of the night. After being apart for a while from my beau, I needed to have a more carefree, low maintenance look. This was because I wanted to create a more relaxed vibe between us after the awkwardness of the previous week and the messages. So I opted for a tousled look without flat ironing or curling. It was very natural. To achieve this I just blow dry and add a bit of serum for shine and de frizzing.
  4. Decide on outfit: Do this before putting make up on. Even if I don’t dress until right before the date, I still need to know what colors I’m working with. After choosing the appropriate outfit, for this one night I chose a lace turquoise body suit spaghetti strap tank and flare jeans. Casual but stylish attire to match my mood.
  5. Make up time: I decided since few colours didn’t clash with turquoise I would wear a smokey beige shadow with a bit of shimmer. It was perfect. Subtle, but alluring none the less. Liquid line with a pen, my usual day to day make up. Blush, brows, and lots of mascara.
I’m a fan of mascara. I truly believe that is there is one make up arsenal that really makes or breaks a look, it’s the mascara on lashes!!
Tada! The finished look. Is it possible that something so subtle and easy looking took about 2 hours? That is the mystery of getting ready!

By the time I got picked up by him, I was looking fine. Not overdone…even with all the work and prep it took. I enjoy the process. By the end of out date, after a hard couple of weeks second guessing our relationship, it felt nice that at least I always knew how to put on a good show; even if the future is uncertain with my beau. And well…it’s who I am to put my best face forward.

Stay classy, stay cool, girl…have better karma

~ Emmie Reve ~ Leave a comment

Mean Girls? That movie that was made in the 2000’s that described the modern day climate of girls/young women’s relations with each other was mostly Hollywood drama, or was it? I feel in a lot of industries including the one that I am in, there is a lot of volatile competition and a lack of sisterhood. But where does this culture of women not helping each other, but instead are secretly hating/jealous/competing come from? Why is it not shunned, and why is it accepted as norm? Movies like Mean Girls glorify cattiness between girls like it’s entertainment. The truth is, it’s just sad…the world is a messed up place; There are murders, there are political scandals and corruptions, there is rape, assault and all kinds of pain. So why add to it by competing with your fellow peers, just because they are women? Aren’t there enough men to go around…aren’t there enough jobs, resources and love to go around? Why do so many young women turn to manipulation/scheming/passive aggressiveness towards their female peers? If looking at the male population, their culture is “bros before hoes.” They help each other out…but why doesn’t that make sense  for women? What is it about the female gender that makes it impossible to be genuine with each other?

Ways to Solve Female Animosity and build  community:

  1. Don’t get jealous: Girls are often afflicted with the crippling emotion of jealousy and envy of others girl’s fortunes. Think about all the work they had to put in to get where they are and how they deserve their current status. There is never really anyone who succeeds on looks, or charm alone. That woman that has it all probably worked her butt off for it and deserves respect.
  2. It’s not enough to focus on yourself: Ever met a girl who was a mess and needed some help and guidance? A girl who needed a friend because she wasn’t fitting in? It’s a fellow girl’s duty to help out by fostering her and not judging her. It’s about thinking about others in relation to ourselves.
  3. Don’t distrespect/overlook girls that are below rank, or are not in power: In a world where power dynamics can change at a snap of a finger, that girl that was beneath can come out on top literally the next day. Be nice to her at all times to maintain personal integrity if ever faced with rank changes and just to be cool in general.
  4. Be competitive, but be fair: Yes, often there is only one spot for a job, and yes often there is one guy that is awesome enough to attract a few women, but in the end, let the best candidate win. Don’t resort of bad mouthing, passive aggressive attacking, or snide actions that sabotage other women vying for the same thing. Have peace in performing to one’s best abilities and playing fair in competition. Talented people have feelings too, and deserve to get what they deserve.

All of these things are so important when living in a community of female peers that have similar talents and aptitudes as each us. So why not celebrate everyone’s excellence instead of trying to get ahead of the woman who is perceived to be a threat…in a real sense, befriending her could be a chance at an ally in our own times of need.