Tag: sadness

Holiday blues and stresses…how to cope

~ Emmie Reve ~ Leave a comment
Christmas tree with lights and all. But who also feels sadness?

The end of the year is upon us so what to do? I know it’s a hard time of year for many and here’s the reasons. We feel obligated to make it perfect, magical and happy. Hallmark movies, and ideas of family togetherness. Getting everything on our wish list and giving the best most amazing gifts. Hitting relationship and career goals, anticipating a holiday vacation that is heavy in price tag and planning…etc. Trying not to over eat, but trying not to miss out on holiday treats. Keeping traditions while not really having time or energy for the rituals we once held dear. It’s never ending the way people stress over the holidays. And in my experience it’s almost always disappointing in some way. I call it my Xmas curse, but I guess it’s inevitable that the end of the year in all of it’s hype, is not all it’s supposed to be.

So how do we cope mentally during such a trying time of the year? How do we find balance and peace during a time that is supposedly all of that and more? The solution can be as simple and complicated as one wants it. But ultimately, it’s all about understanding ourselves and reaching out for what will realistically make a simple solution. Here are my go to’s this year for treating holiday blues:

  1. Have time for myself: People are afraid to be alone during the holidays. And working a lot is the norm as well. The pressure to fill every moment and minute with another being or working overtime to make year end goals, is not quality time. Trying not to feel alone; not scheduling alone time for reflection and isolation is a negative thing. Solitude during this time of year when the first snow hits makes sense. Embrace it. People will always be around, but the quiet beauty of being one with oneself is a fragile state that must be prioritized.
  2. Rest a lot: Being stressed and overwhelmed during the holidays is a natural occurrence. Rest and relaxation is not. Which is why I have to work hard at not working hard. Whether it is skipping groceries for a day and ordering take-out or procrastinating on hanging ornaments and xmas lights…it’s really important to rest. It also helps my immune system during the first cold spell and prevents me from getting sick.
  3. Don’t go shopping: It’s really tempting with all the sales and everyone on the list to not hit the malls frantically and spend. Gifts can be simple and don’t have to be perfect. Spend less time buying and more time thinking about the people you want to gift to. Everything tends to fall into place without too much stress/spending usually. Try to remember that.
  4. Don’t over eat: Let’s be honest, food is comforting. Whenever I feel sad or alone, I am reaching for salty noodle soup, spicey condiments, and tons of delicious fried delicacies. It’s relaxing and rewarding for the moment and releases happy hormones. But the aftermath is guilt and disgust at myself when all my clothes are tight, and I’m not as cute and petite as I like to be. Everything in moderation. I don’t want to deprive myself, but honestly, I don’t have to over indulge.
  5. Watch the drinking: Sometimes during the holidays, we are encouraged to let loose and drink. Especially when things are not panning out the way we want. A boyfriend forgets to call, an argument with a sister; during the holidays, these mishaps feel ten times worse. The quick fix is to grab a cocktail. But drinking heightens emotions and subdues restraints. Meaning one can say things one doesn’t mean, or feel even worse about a situation. I’m not saying not to drink. But stay aware of the amount taken and how it may distort one’s perspective on things.
Happy Holidays. Remember to take care and stay beautiful!

So there it is. My list of things to help me navigate the holiday season, mentally healthy and happy. The end of the year is a time for reflection and no anxiety, so why not make efforts to thwart the tendency for chaos? What better way to right in the new year that to prioritize rest, peace, and self respect? Happy holidays everyone from the bottom of my heart to all this season. And see you on Dreamy Reveries in the new year! I have a lot planned for 2023 here!

Ways to feel better on sad days…

~ Emmie Reve ~ 1 Comment

When I was growing up as a teenager in the 90’s, a lot of the culture around me was sad, angry and depressed.  From Grunge music, to the death of my mother, to the uncertainty of generation X and being on the cusp of a new millenium–my youth was a depressing time.  I wrote a lot in journals, made poems, I also drew and sketched in my spare time.  I remember being sad and alone, but I didn’t suffer.  As an adult though, I find it gets harder and harder to handle negative emotions properly and healthily.  And since I’m all about natural ways of living, there are simple ways to deal with days where I feel crappy.  They take a bit of work…but are better than a day of crying in bed and not getting out.

Whether it’s about a job, a relationship, family…etc.  A lot of things can get us down…if it’s a chronic kind of thing, we may turn to drugs/medication, which is not the best.  And we sometimes even ignore our feelings until they implode on us and we get into even more trouble.  I physically have headaches when I ignore my sadness.

So let’s first understand that sadness stems from when we realize situations/problems are out of our control, and the despair grips the emotional core. But this is sort of a good thing, because once we recognize that whatever happened is not in our control we stop wasting energy fixing it or blaming ourselves.  We finally have time to heal, and not dwell.

Some ways I beat depression and avoid dwelling:

  • Take a hot bath and relax…this distraction not only de-stresses, but it cleanses and renews you, and reminds you that you need to take care of yourself.
  • Re-play all the sad songs that you know will help you.  I am a sap for Fiona Apple, since I grew up on her, and well, she made being pouty so cool! Sometimes skidding into sad emotions help more than avoiding feeling it.
  • Write a journal entry, expressing everything.  Be careful though, this is a double edged sword.  Sometimes purging helps, but it can also trigger past emotions of hurt that you also have to deal with.
  • Put on loads of make-up: after a night of crying, believe it or not, covering up and pretending nothing happened feels great! check out my article about make-up for puffy eyes! I wrote it for allergies, but it works in this case too!
  • Moisturize and pamper your skin.  When you are sad, and stressed, your skin seems to need extra moisture and pampering, so be sure to get a good lotion and slather generously
  • Work at a slower pace, take on less tasks: work is a great distraction, but if you take on too much, the stress will add to your already weakened state.
  • Understand sad days should be treated like a physical illness.  Allow yourself to feel sad, let it run its course and rest, have chicken soup!
  • Resist the urge to eat away emotions.  When I was sad a few years ago, I would go for sweets…they comforted me.  And I’d eat even when I wasn’t hungry.  Not only do you gain weight, but you’re using food to block emotions…and that’s unhealthy
  • Resist the urge to shop away emotions: I also used to buy things I didn’t need to cheer me up.  While the initial purchase lifts you, your credit card bill will not.
  • Hang out with a good girlfriend.  You don’t even have to talk about what’s got you down, just having someone around and going out for coffee is an amazing lift.
  • Sleep in and then some: make sure you get sleep.  For some reason, problems and conflicts look worse when you haven’t gotten a good night’s sleep so do yourself a favour and put your alarm on snooze.

↑My sad girl icon Fiona Apple.  A lot of her music is about being tortured, sad and misunderstood…obligatory listening for the moody.

What things do you do when you are really sad, and in pain?  Are your thoughts sometimes too much to handle?  Is life dragging you down in various ways, and you feel like you can’t cope?  Do you feel freakishly alone during your sad days?  Believe it or not, you are not alone.  I think we have to understand our sad days and let them have free run, or else they creep into our happy days, and make living ever much so harder.

 

Make-up for sad, puffy eyes!

~ Emmie Reve ~ 1 Comment

My spring/summer of minor health problems continues, only this time end of June hit me with eye allergies.  After trying out a new skin oil on my face, I developed an allergic reaction.  My eyes went from normal to bright red over night, and had me running to the doctor hoping it was not an infection.  Finding out it was just an allergic reaction, I treated it with eye drops and allergy medication.  Soon the red started to disappear…but to my frustration, the symptom of puffiness lagged on.  I would wake up with swollen eyes daily. I was using everything from ice, chilled tea bags, to cucumber slices to reduce the swelling….but nothing seemed to fully get rid of the puffiness on the top lid and puff bags underneath.

Not that puffy, swollen eyes are the most horrendous looking thing for a girl to have, it was still better than the acne I suffered from earlier this spring.  But I did have comments from people saying I looked “sad” or “stressed”; questions about if I was going to cry!?  I am an emotional gal, and am sensitive about it, so it was definitely not pleasant to have my facial mood judged and commented on.  All those perceptions from others were made based on my face appearance when in reality, I was just recovering from eye allergies! So this was a problem. I was also meeting people around this time, and knew for a better first impression, I needed a stronger fix than cold tea bags and ice on my eyes.

In comes the smokey eye make-up!  I have never been a fan of the smokey eye. Too dramatic for everyday, and bordering on a goth art student aesthetics…it was just not practical, semi-dated.  I usually opt for a more minimal approach to my make-up; sticking with youthful light coloured shimmer shadows. But there is nothing that covers puffiness better than matte black, greys, and neutral shadows.  Something about black matte shadows suggest a receding in effect, perfect to combat my eye’s puffing out effect.  So I set out to rediscover the “smokey eye”.  I figured out a way to do a subtle smokey eye that could be worn daily by me to hide puffiness as my eyes continued to heal…or for days where they puffed up again. yikes.

How I took out excessive “glam” in the smokey eye make-up:

(Apply foundation/bb and setting powder first and prep face)

  1. Start with a nude eye shadow as base over the whole lid from lashline to brow.  This helps with blending a smooth gradation between different shades of shadow that will be applied on top of eyelid.
  2. Use a really dark, matte black shadow as a liner, and line a thick line above your lashline accentuating your eyes shape.  Thicker in the outer corners, and flicking up slightly as if doing a cat eye shape.  Thinly line the bottom lid corners with black shadow too.
  3. Fill in and soften the black shadow line with a grey matte shadow.  This gradation should be subtle, and also following the angled shape of the black shadow.  Stop about mid eye lid so that it is not overly dramatic.
  4. Use a tiny bit of liquid liner to clean up the outer edge of the cat eye made by the black eye shadow.  Do this by out lining the shape lightly, and filling in more intensely in the outer eyes corners, and thinning away at mid point of the eye.
  5. Very important: Use a clean, fluffy shadow blending brush all over the top and bottom lid to smudge and make extra “smokey”.  Without this step, you will not get a nice blurred gradation, and that is what makes a dark smokey eye not harsh.

This is a really cool shadow palette I got from NYX. The reason I like them is that their shadows are really pigmented...this helps to cover up puff...
This is a really cool shadow palette I got from NYX. The reason I like them is that their shadows are really pigmented…this helps to cover up puff…

 

not sad, or puff, just shadowy cover when you need it.
not sad, or puff, just shadowy cover when you need it.

I find this look is not overly dramatic, and can be worn daily, even on simple errands.  And as a make-up for a first meeting or date, it knocks it out of the ball park, because I says you’re “fashion”, but not “high-maintenance”.  And it helped me hide those “sad” puffy eyes of mine, and kept random, public judgements at bay.  😛