Tag: self care

Mid Summer’s Day Dream…

~ Emmie ~ Leave a comment

This summer 2023 has been a difficult one for me. With my decision to not travel and just save up for winter holidays, I feel I had inadvertently set myself up to be locked up in a slump. City life during the hot months in Toronto is not the most relaxing or pretty. Construction, sticky smoggy air, bad traffic and noise is the reality of summer in the city. I realized how some people, the “elite people”; i.e.. the well-to-do people of Toronto get to go away in their fancy cars and drive up north to the various scenic lakefront properties they own or rent. They get to have a real getaway rather easily, and spend lots of their weekends by sitting on the dock on a quiet lake and watching the waves, and just truly recharging.

I feel like this summer in particular, I had the need for escaping. But unfortunately, I could not. Certain aspects of my personal life and work life had gotten hectic; not being able to foresee this happening earlier this spring, as mid summer arrived, I was hit! I was left in a lot of emotional turmoil with no exit or break from it in sight. I did end up taking a week off of work…but then what? I thought to myself on the first few days of my staycation..This so called “vacation” ultimately would require me to work at turning off my brain and anxieties without a true physical getaway. I had to plan local outings, I had to find my friends. And on days where those options weren’t available I was truly unhappy. There is nothing worse that being on a vacation where I could not escape the boredom or malaise that was my life while it was summer in the city. I don’t have AC, so imagine me heatedly crouched over my bed post to stretch myself to the window to smoke mini cigars. That was my one of my escapes as weak as it was.

My week of being off work is coming to an end and I still think about how if I had been more privileged or luckier in life I too could have been one of those free people up at the cottage when us low folk down here have to work and toil. And if not work and toil, take staycations that are just unpaid unrelaxing wastes of times. My only solace was to splurge a bit and spend a half a day at a nice pool lounge in downtown Toronto. With no one bothering me and my surroundings being totally new, it was a lovely change from my usual routine. Sitting poolside or near any body of water always seems to calm me and the cool breeze of the rooftop pool was comforting. It made me forget some of my pains.

After that moment of solitude by the pool…I feel it is possible to have some beautiful moments in trying times…looking at what possessions and resources others had and what I didn’t was not what I should have been doing. But after a week off with some torturously boring moments where I wondered what I was doing with my life, I had the advantage of an good expanse of time; where I was able to examine my own resources and mobilize to use them. I was able to put down my mini cigar and realize that there are little pieces of paradise in the city and in our minds if we only allow ourselves to find it.

Working hard or hardly working? When at the poolside who really knows? This was my tiny escape from summer in Toronto with no cottage.

Holiday blues and stresses…how to cope

~ Emmie ~ Leave a comment
Christmas tree with lights and all. But who also feels sadness?

The end of the year is upon us so what to do? I know it’s a hard time of year for many and here’s the reasons. We feel obligated to make it perfect, magical and happy. Hallmark movies, and ideas of family togetherness. Getting everything on our wish list and giving the best most amazing gifts. Hitting relationship and career goals, anticipating a holiday vacation that is heavy in price tag and planning…etc. Trying not to over eat, but trying not to miss out on holiday treats. Keeping traditions while not really having time or energy for the rituals we once held dear. It’s never ending the way people stress over the holidays. And in my experience it’s almost always disappointing in some way. I call it my Xmas curse, but I guess it’s inevitable that the end of the year in all of it’s hype, is not all it’s supposed to be.

So how do we cope mentally during such a trying time of the year? How do we find balance and peace during a time that is supposedly all of that and more? The solution can be as simple and complicated as one wants it. But ultimately, it’s all about understanding ourselves and reaching out for what will realistically make a simple solution. Here are my go to’s this year for treating holiday blues:

  1. Have time for myself: People are afraid to be alone during the holidays. And working a lot is the norm as well. The pressure to fill every moment and minute with another being or working overtime to make year end goals, is not quality time. Trying not to feel alone; not scheduling alone time for reflection and isolation is a negative thing. Solitude during this time of year when the first snow hits makes sense. Embrace it. People will always be around, but the quiet beauty of being one with oneself is a fragile state that must be prioritized.
  2. Rest a lot: Being stressed and overwhelmed during the holidays is a natural occurrence. Rest and relaxation is not. Which is why I have to work hard at not working hard. Whether it is skipping groceries for a day and ordering take-out or procrastinating on hanging ornaments and xmas lights…it’s really important to rest. It also helps my immune system during the first cold spell and prevents me from getting sick.
  3. Don’t go shopping: It’s really tempting with all the sales and everyone on the list to not hit the malls frantically and spend. Gifts can be simple and don’t have to be perfect. Spend less time buying and more time thinking about the people you want to gift to. Everything tends to fall into place without too much stress/spending usually. Try to remember that.
  4. Don’t over eat: Let’s be honest, food is comforting. Whenever I feel sad or alone, I am reaching for salty noodle soup, spicey condiments, and tons of delicious fried delicacies. It’s relaxing and rewarding for the moment and releases happy hormones. But the aftermath is guilt and disgust at myself when all my clothes are tight, and I’m not as cute and petite as I like to be. Everything in moderation. I don’t want to deprive myself, but honestly, I don’t have to over indulge.
  5. Watch the drinking: Sometimes during the holidays, we are encouraged to let loose and drink. Especially when things are not panning out the way we want. A boyfriend forgets to call, an argument with a sister; during the holidays, these mishaps feel ten times worse. The quick fix is to grab a cocktail. But drinking heightens emotions and subdues restraints. Meaning one can say things one doesn’t mean, or feel even worse about a situation. I’m not saying not to drink. But stay aware of the amount taken and how it may distort one’s perspective on things.
Happy Holidays. Remember to take care and stay beautiful!

So there it is. My list of things to help me navigate the holiday season, mentally healthy and happy. The end of the year is a time for reflection and no anxiety, so why not make efforts to thwart the tendency for chaos? What better way to right in the new year that to prioritize rest, peace, and self respect? Happy holidays everyone from the bottom of my heart to all this season. And see you on Dreamy Reveries in the new year! I have a lot planned for 2023 here!

Hair coloring obsessions and other thoughts on my birthday…

~ Emmie ~ Leave a comment

So recently I’ve been coloring my hair like crazy…check out my post about soap capping. It’s been a goal of mine now to have ashy, cool toned hair colour, because well, as a dark haired asian girl, that is near impossible. Black is my natural color, and that’s as cool toned as my hair wants to be. But as I age and become more pale, black hair is actually too harsh for my skin tone (plus the occassional white that hair creeps in). But when I try to lighten even just a few shades, my hair screams a bright red/orange tone, even harsher than black hair for my complexion. I actually had to go through a lot of chemical processes to get it to be the cool toned light brown I have now and I’m ashamed to say it, since I kind of fried my hair with a chemical soup to get it…But now I think I got it, and really don’t care if it’s not exactly the colour I want…me needs to let go.

So this is just part of the chemical soup I subjected my hair to trying to make it ashy: developer, bleach lightener, permanent colors…additives…etc.

Today is my birthday, I’m another year older, and I’m really thinking today about how unimportant hair color is…all the cosmetic procedures, chemicals and efforts us girls put into altering our natural appearance doesn’t add up to much. When the truth is, nobody cares about the color of my hair…I recently reviewed some lipstick on here and to think I about it, I doubt anyone really cares about my lip color either. It’s fun, but that’s it…The truth is, cosmetics and fashion is a past time I enjoy…but not ultimately what people care about in me. My dad’s obsession for example, is seeing me eat more, eat healthily and sleep.  Ha ha. Really that’s all he cares about. Most people just want others to be healthy and happy. So I know that taking care of oneself’s mind and body is ultimately the most important thing to do…

Time to say sorry to my body and hair for everything I put it through for the sake of my vanities.Whether it is soap capping twice in one night to lighten it, or putting in harsh dyes and toners to perfect my hair color, or not eating bagels since they make me bloat…I have start seeing as to how I am pretty mean to my body…and it’s time to say sorry. How do I say sorry to my body? Some ideas I have are:

  • Don’t wear make-up on my off days, I just moisturize your skin and drink lots of tea
  • Do have that pastry/cookie/candy I’ve been thinking of
  • sleep in that extra two hours…I will never run out of chores/work that I gotta do, but I know I can always do it later
  • give my hair a hot oil conditioning treatment and not worry about what it will do its color
  • Feed your mind: Do something that has NOTHING to do with being gorgeous. (no fashion/make up stuff) Write an article or read a book about something cerebral. Create something that will bring value to your health, or learn something about the world your never knew.
  • Don’t look at trends and covet them on social media. Look at yourself and what you want to accomplish and achieve…

Remember the important things in life…and be happy. That’s what I’ve been thinking about on my birthday today. Nothing is worth doing if it doesn’t make us healthy and happy. It’s really easy to get caught up in getting the latest fashions and make-up trends, and cosmetic procedures…but knowing when to stop is key.