Category: psychology

To be or not to be…(blonde, that is)

~ Emmie Reve ~ Leave a comment

Over the years I’ve sported many hair colours. As a naturally dark haired Asian woman, I’ve always been fascinated by any hair colour other than black since anything other color was always tricky to acquire. It required chemicals like ammonia and peroxide to lift my dark hair so that other colours could be seen. And even then, black hair generally lifts to a horrendous reddish orange; not an easy colour to cover up. Black hair is beautiful, shiny and deep, but for the me, the desire of having a colour of something else less ordinary was constantly in my mind.

In highschool, it was boxed dyes and over the counter concoctions of brown hair that I aimed for. But the results from boxed dye were barely noticeable, yet rendered my black hair a little bit more fried and red looking,. It wasn’t until much later on in my life that I dared to play with bleach lightener on my hair and take a dabble in “toning”, a part of being blonde. But I felt I always had to go back to black. It was hard to constantly be a different colour. I did have a phase where I sported more fantasy colors like a purple, by lifting my black hair and then adding a sheer purple color on. Over the years I have written many articles about changing hair colours, but it wasn’t until I went to hair college and learned professionally how to lighten hair, that I really dared to go all blonde and stay this way. I now am pretty much permanently sporting a light blonde all over hair colour and touching up my roots every couple of months or so.

Some links to past posts I did about hair colour (I really did like to play around a lot)

I do like being blonde. The saying blondes have more fun may be true…but aesthetically speaking, I feel it suits my pale skin tone and compliments my small eyes, and small face by not being too striking in darkness to compete for attention. Blonde hair has a way of fading away into the background and letting face make-up have a say. Also, I love the way lighter hair can support more delicate shades of colour that on darker hair would be unnoticed. For example silver blonde looks much different than sunny blonde but it is just a few tones clicks away on the scale. Also being blonde and Asian is very unique and lets me escape the mundanity of standard black hair that I was born into. Despite blonde hair being an uber sexualized hair colour in culture, there is power in embracing this beauty ideal when in an attempt to break the negative stereo types that come with it. Blondes are not dumb. I actually feel very smart and accomplished when light haired. It gives me a reason to speak up and project the way I wish to be perceived. I want to express that women are more than the sum of their parts; i.e. the colour of their hair or skin. We should be defined by our character and actions, much more so than our physical appearance. Having control over how one is physically perceived is very powerful because of the freedom of choice it presents.

This is how I maintain a blonde colour at home (I went to hair college, so I don’t actually recommend others to play with lightener):

My roots have grown in. Bleeck. I don’t mind this look, but any longer than an inch of dark hair looks too unkept for me!!! Time to touch up my base.
I don’t recommend doing this at home, but I’m a professional, so it’s ok! It is tricky not overlapping previously lightened hair, especially at the back, which is why I experience breakage from time to time. I have to carefully apply lightener on my base twice to lift it to yellow.
Not done yet. My roots are lifted to my max level, but it’s the wrong tone. Don’t that shade of banana! My next step is toning. I like to wait a few days to let my hair rest. Then I apply a demi permanent hair colour in an ash base to get rid of the warmth. I boost the toning power by adding a violet dye to the forumula! It’s complicated to colour correct properly, so again, leave this to the professionals.
Tada! All done. This photo is actually taken a few shampoos after toning, so some of the excess color has washed off. I like to over tone my blonde hair so that as it washes out, the colour stays even…I think my blonde colour is like a silvery beige. I really like how soft and natural it is. Like maybe I was born with it!

Stay classy, stay cool, girl…have better karma

~ Emmie Reve ~ Leave a comment

Mean Girls? That movie that was made in the 2000’s that described the modern day climate of girls/young women’s relations with each other was mostly Hollywood drama, or was it? I feel in a lot of industries including the one that I am in, there is a lot of volatile competition and a lack of sisterhood. But where does this culture of women not helping each other, but instead are secretly hating/jealous/competing come from? Why is it not shunned, and why is it accepted as norm? Movies like Mean Girls glorify cattiness between girls like it’s entertainment. The truth is, it’s just sad…the world is a messed up place; There are murders, there are political scandals and corruptions, there is rape, assault and all kinds of pain. So why add to it by competing with your fellow peers, just because they are women? Aren’t there enough men to go around…aren’t there enough jobs, resources and love to go around? Why do so many young women turn to manipulation/scheming/passive aggressiveness towards their female peers? If looking at the male population, their culture is “bros before hoes.” They help each other out…but why doesn’t that make sense  for women? What is it about the female gender that makes it impossible to be genuine with each other?

Ways to Solve Female Animosity and build  community:

  1. Don’t get jealous: Girls are often afflicted with the crippling emotion of jealousy and envy of others girl’s fortunes. Think about all the work they had to put in to get where they are and how they deserve their current status. There is never really anyone who succeeds on looks, or charm alone. That woman that has it all probably worked her butt off for it and deserves respect.
  2. It’s not enough to focus on yourself: Ever met a girl who was a mess and needed some help and guidance? A girl who needed a friend because she wasn’t fitting in? It’s a fellow girl’s duty to help out by fostering her and not judging her. It’s about thinking about others in relation to ourselves.
  3. Don’t distrespect/overlook girls that are below rank, or are not in power: In a world where power dynamics can change at a snap of a finger, that girl that was beneath can come out on top literally the next day. Be nice to her at all times to maintain personal integrity if ever faced with rank changes and just to be cool in general.
  4. Be competitive, but be fair: Yes, often there is only one spot for a job, and yes often there is one guy that is awesome enough to attract a few women, but in the end, let the best candidate win. Don’t resort of bad mouthing, passive aggressive attacking, or snide actions that sabotage other women vying for the same thing. Have peace in performing to one’s best abilities and playing fair in competition. Talented people have feelings too, and deserve to get what they deserve.

All of these things are so important when living in a community of female peers that have similar talents and aptitudes as each us. So why not celebrate everyone’s excellence instead of trying to get ahead of the woman who is perceived to be a threat…in a real sense, befriending her could be a chance at an ally in our own times of need.

Beauty Sleep…Fact or Myth…

~ Emmie Reve ~ Leave a comment

One of my favourite activities as a young child was going to the cinema with my mom…and also at home, and when movies came on TV, I was in the living room with my mom, watching classic films like Psycho, Gone with the Wind and Sound of Music. Disney films were also a treat. My mom took me to the theatrical release of Sleeping Beauty when I was four and after seeing it, I was floored, mesmerized by the romance and I wanted to keep seeing it. It was so magical and amazing that a princess cheated death and aging by sleeping and was awoken again by true love! I wanted to ask my mom to take me again to see it, right after leaving the theater,  but I was too shy to.

Time to wake up! After 100 years of sleeping or so…she’s definitely rejuvenated!

The story of Sleeping Beauty struck a cord in me, because I think that’s because sleep is connected to beauty. It’s when we rejuvenate and replenish ourselves with energy, strength, spirit. It’s when we regenerate our tissues, bones and hair. It’s how we reset our physical and mental programming to face the everyday world. And every minute of it is worth gold. For example, I myself went a little crazy a few weeks ago when I was not sleeping well, stressed and anxious with modern day life challenges. And it showed in my complexion: my skin was bumpy and flacid, puffy eyes, limp lifeless hair, and low energy to the nines.

A break down on why sleep is so important:

  1. Life is always stressful: Between family, work and social obligations personal ambitions, daily life is full of anxiety, worry and distress. Sleep not only helps us have energy for these things, but is a key factor in keeping  mental health to face these things.
  2. It helps us regulate water/hormonal, emotional balance: I remember gaining water weight in the cheeks and hips when I was not sleeping well…and even my emotions were up and down…sleep is something that balances our body functions. Exercise also helps, but not as much a good rest, in my opinion.
  3. My complexion suffered. Wrinkles appeared out of no where, the smooth texture of my skin was gone…even make-up didn’t cover this up…
  4. My immune system was lowered and I was prone to infections and illnesses, allergies…etc
  5. I became very depressed and unable to think positively. I know that I have often battled sad days, we all have, but when I was lacking sleep, it felt that much harder, that much more severe.

So the bottom line? “Beauty sleep” does exist, because being well rested is a vital part of physical and mental health. What ways have you been neglecting a good sleep hygiene? Doctors say eight hours a night is ideal…so are you hacking it, or what can you do to make sure you get that? It’s worth the effort to get good sleep because then you get to wake up bright eyed and bushy tailed to face the world!